Smarty Cat

“Week two into testing. No side effects. Test scores increased by two percent.” I spoke into my webcam. They had stressed that documentation was the important part of this trial. I attached the tests. “No increase in dosage.”

I sent it off and spun slowly in the chair. They were trying to slowly increase people’s intelligence, the quick increase drugs wore off and had appalling side effects. I was not stupid before the drugs, but they did seem to be helping.

“Week three, mild headache on Monday, no other ailments. Test scores up three percent.” I attached my scores. My cat jumped on my lap and started purring, she pawed at my keyboard hitting the enter key sending my results off.

“Week four, stomach ache on Wednesday. Test scores up five percent from last week.” I attached the tests. My cat was walking around my computer complaining. I sent them off. I gave my cat some affection, petting her soft, silky fur. She nudged the mouse with her nose and clicked a program. “What are you doing silly girl.”

She walked across the keyboard.

“Food.” I read aloud, it was a weird coincidence.

I shut down the computer, I fed my cat, who was winding her way in between my legs as I walked through the house.

“Week  five, no side effects. Strange behavior from cat. Test scores continue to rise. Five percent increase.” I attached the test results. My cat mewed loudly it sounded like my name.

“What kitty?” I asked scratching her head. She meowed my name again.

“Week six, test scores up six percent.Cat can now talk to me.”

Kitty was talking to me in a weird meowing language. I could understand most of what she was saying. The only explanation I could think of was that she was getting into the test drug. “How are you getting so smart?”

“I eat your snack.” She meowed.

“You ate my snack?” I could only guess she meant that she was eating the little pills.

“Week seven, need tests for cat.” I would do some testing of my own.

Her intelligence seemed to be growing faster than mine. The dose would be higher in her tiny body. I only had one more week of the drug then I would be tested to see if the gained intelligence would last. The conversations with the cat were getting more intricate. She was getting better at making words. I kept her ability a secret.

“Kitty can you take this test with me?” I asked her, she bumped her head against my hand indicating yes. That was how she chose things on the computer. I opened the test and she took the test nudging my hand to the answer she wanted.

I attached her scores as well as mine. “Kitty do you feel anything strange.”

She looked at me and tilted her head, “I feel fine.”

“Week eight, no side effects from me or the cat. test scores phenomenal.” I recorded and sent the results off.

We waited together to see if the effects would wear off in the following weeks. There was a sharp decline in Kitty’s test scores, mine dropped a few points before stabilizing above my initial scores. Kitty could still type on the computer but her mews were just mews.

I missed the conversations with my cat. When we checked in with the study after six months for our final review and debrief it turned out we were an oddity. Most of the other subjects lost all of their intelligence, returning to their normal intelligence. They ran additional tests to see why we were different. No one could figure out why.

“Did any of your other subjects have pets?” I asked the scientist holding onto my precious cat.

“One had a dog, but your cat was the only one to take the drug along side you.” They said looking through the papers. “We will need some more test subjects to see if that is what caused it to stick.”

Kitty jumped off my lap and walked across the nearest computer terminal pulling up the cursor to type. She walked across the keyboard.

“Love her.” The scientist read confused.

Kitty came back and snuggled my legs.


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Writing short stories and flash pieces.

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